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THE ETERNAL
BY FRANCES VAUGHN

I READ ABOUT THIS MOVIE WHEN
IT WENT INTO PRODUCTION. AT FIRST I WAS JUST ANNOYED. I HAD BEEN WRITING A SCREENPLAY ABOUT ELIZABETH
BATHORY CALLED “THE MOSQUITO HAS LANDED” MY MOVIE HAD ELIZABETH IN L.A. IN PRESENT TIMES PICKING UP VICTIMS IN AN ONLINE CHAT ROOM. CAUSE WE KNOW THEY’RE PURE, THEY NEVER GET LAID.
BUT AS FAR AS THE FILM GOES IT’S SIMPLE, IT WAS MADE BY TWO MEN WHO RUINED THE WHOLE LEGEND OF BATHORY.
THE LEGEND TELLS ONLY OF TWO MEN WHO WERE IN HER LOOP, AND SHE USED THEM TO SCOUT YOUNG GIRLS AND LURE THEM BACK TO HER CASTLE.
ELIZABETH SEDUCED AND KILLED WOMEN. THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF HER RITUAL WAS TO BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF YOUNG VIRGINS GIRLS TO
KEEP HER YOUTH AND BEAUTY.
THE MOVIE STARTS OUT WITH A LOT OF PROMISE. A MYSTERIOUS CAR IS GOING DOWN A RATHER DESOLATE ROAD AND ENDS UP AT THE END IN FRONT OF A CASTLE. A WOMAN GETS OUT AND ASKS FOR ELIZABETH AT THE GATES SPEAKER. THERE IS NO RESPONSE BUT THE GATES OPEN UP CREEPILY ENOUGH TO KNOW I’M NOT GOING IN THERE TO MEET SOMEONE IN A CHAT ROOM. SHE DRIVES INTO THE COMPOUND, ENTERS THE FRONT DOOR AND IS GREETED BY NOBODY. AFTER SOME NERVOUS TENSION ELIZABETH APPEARS AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS.
THE ACTRESS PLAYING ELIZABETH WAS GREAT, SULTRY AND SEDUCTIVE
IT TOOK 30 MINUTES TO TURN IT INTO A COLUMBO EPISODE SEEMS THE MYSTERIOUS WOMAN WAS THE WIFE OF A POLICE DETECTIVE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN HER HUSBAND. AS SHE TURNS UP MISSING AND HE CHECKS OUT HER EMAIL AND FINDS ELIZABETH’S ADDRESS ON
HIS HOME COMPUTER. HIGHLY UNLIKELY.
SO NOW THE DETECTIVE BECOMES THE MAIN CHARACTER. IT’S ALL ABOUT HIM. ELIZABETH IS ON SCREEN MAYBE 1/4 OF THE MOVIE.
ANOTHER NOTE ELIZABETH BATHORY KILLED OVER 650 WOMAN WHEN SHE WAS CAUGHT. IN THE FIRST HALF OF THE FILM THERE ARE MERELY TWO VICTIMS. THERE IS NO MAD LUST FOR BLOOD AS HISTORY TOLD IT.
THE MOVIE GOES TO VIENNA AND IS REALLY THE BETTER PART OF THE MOVIE. THEY DO A DIRECT RIP OFF OF “EYES WIDE SHUT” THAT WAS REALLY UN- ORIGINAL AND THEN GOES IN TO A BLUR OF VAMPIRE LEGEND. THERE IS ONE PAYOFF SCENE IN VIENNA.
HOT ON HER TRAIL IN VIENNA IS OF COURSE THE DETECTIVE.WHAT RUINED IT FOR ME WAS A FORCED SEX SCENE WHERE THE DETECTIVE IS WELL... FUCKING ELIZABETH. I RELY ON THE HISTORY OF HER’S NOT A FILM SO THIS THINGS GOES RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW AND LOSES ALL CREDIBILITY. ELIZABETH LIKED WOMAN. I DOUBT SHE ROSE FROM THE DEAD TO FUCK SOME BITCH ASSED WHITE BOY WITH GEORGE MICHAEL STUBBLE, LOOKING TO CONVICT HER.
NOW I UNDERSTAND WHEN THE MOVIE STARTED A DISCLAIMER/CLAIMER CAME ON “THIS MOVIE IS BASED ON ACTUAL EVENTS AND THE AUDIENCE ROARED WITH LAUGHTER. HOW COULD THIS MOVIE BE INSPIRED?
I JUST BECAME MORE AND MORE DISAPOINTED. I SAW THE TRAILERS AND THEY SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT A 3 MINUTE MOVIE. EVERYTHING WAS IN THE TRAILER DID THE MOVIE PAY OFF? NO. IT JUST DIDN’T. MEN SHOULD STOP MAKING LESBIAN FILMS. THEY RUINED THE AUTHENTICITY OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE AS SOON AS THINGS GET CRAZY THEY JUST MAKE SOME GUY JUMP ON HER, PUMP AND SAVE HER LIFE. IT WAS STUPID. THE SCENES IN VIENNA ARE THE HIGHLIGHT AND THE PREPARATION FOR ELIZABETH’S BATH IS WORTH SEEING. A COUPLE PAYOFFS IN A LONG, DRAWN OUT MOVIE. C+